There are still good people left in this world.

The time that we are currently facing is tumultuous, so say the least. Friends and family are fighting, our rights are being stripped away, the earth is being punished for the mere existence of humans, the news is awful, social media is a doomscroll… it all seems so bleak. Even in my own life I have come to see the true colors of people I once thought to be amazing, and that hurts too.  When all of the cards are down and it looks like you don’t have a winning hand, what do you do about it? You change the game. You change the players at the table. If you are afraid of losing then you don’t have the right people sitting at your table. It’s not about the win, it’s about the fun you have playing. Everyone hates a sore loser, even worse is a sore winner, and many times other people just make the game no fun to play. So find the right people to sit at your table. Good people still exist in this world, and it is up to us to find and recognize them.

Many times in my life I have been- for lack of better wording- screwed over by people around me. I have been cheated on, lied to, stolen from, taken advantage of, the whole nine yards. And still I have faith in the beauty of this world. Not in humanity as a whole, I fully think we are doomed, but in the individual. I refuse to become jaded and harsh, judgmental based on my past and history of horrible people. I carry the lessons with me, however I do not put them up as walls to keep people out. I am working on using my lessons as a skill to filter people through more quickly; a vetting process if you will. We can use our excuses all day long and say “the world made us this way” but that’s shit. That’s saying “I don’t want to do the work to be a better person and have an open heart, so I am using my excuses to stay a shitty person.” That’s not right, and that’s not having an open heart or a happy life. Sure, you might get hurt because there are people out there who will hurt you, but you might also just accidentally find beauty in unexpected people and places.

Personally, where my work lies is something of a topic of discussion with myself and my therapist. He has told me “you see the best in people- and that’s not a bad thing. But we cannot rely on the best in people or their potential because they might not ever realize it. What we have to do is see the ‘what is’. What are they showing you?” I read a meme once that said “when people show you who they are, believe them” and I am taking this to heart. It can go both ways: They can show you true kindness and we need to see their altruistic gestures without the cracked lens of life, but also we need to recognize red flags and let them wave on their own. We should help people, always, but when the help becomes too much we have to let go. When I was learning lifeguarding they said “first rule of lifesaving- if someone won’t let you save them you have to let them drown or there will be two deaths that day.” Some people don’t realize they’re drowning. Some people want to pull you down to their level because that makes them feel better about where they are and it’s easier than making life changes to stay above water on their own. And some people truly need help. The people that recognize the need for help, don’t fight it, and are thankful in the end are the ones worth saving. It is up to us to discern the need for help, readiness to change, and our own willingness to help. I have often said you can’t pour from an empty cup, and that’s true. But also you shouldn’t let your own cup ever get anything less than full because that’s also not fair to yourself.

There are good people left in this world. There are people every day living a good life, fighting the good fight, who are good listeners, good helpers, and good friends. Surround yourself in the warmth of the people that glow, and together our lights will shine brightly and illuminate this seemingly dark time. Let yourself be loved as you love others and let go of those who try to extinguish your flame. Sharing your flame never makes your candle burn any less bright, and stealing someone else’s flame doesn’t make yours burn brighter. Be the good people. Be the person you needed when you were struggling. Find the people who lift you up, are there for you when they are able, and who make the world seem a little better every time you interact with them. They are there, I promise. And it’s up to us to be them and find them.