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Help.

We are in a continued blender of stupid, racism, denial, viruses, sensationalist media, overly opinionated/undereducated, and with our lives (figurative and literal) back on the line and rising numbers again this is a shake that is even less palatable than usual.  It weighs heavy on us, sitting on our shoulders like two bad angels as we are desperately looking for the one in white to give us good advice.  Well, this isn’t Bugs Bunny and there aren’t just two voices inside of us.  There are hundreds, and they’re all screaming like toddlers who need a nap and they’re likely just as full of shit.  So what do we do?  I’m pretty much on board for whatever gets your through these times unless it is harmful to yourself (permanently) or others (at all.)  I’ve come to offer a hand with some things that I’ve heard or read about ways to manage these times, and things that I’ve been doing myself that have helped to carry me through.

 

1. Limit your news.  The “news” in the US hasn’t been news since probably the mid 19^th century.  When we found a way to print enough words on enough papers to make a profit we discovered that overly stated headlines sell.  Hell, we’ll even gladly fudge the truth to sell a few more with a meaningless apology while we are counting our dollars. While it is important to stay on top of what is going on, just like waves we can’t ride them all, and if you try you’ll drown.  Dedicate a news time and then that’s it.  I used to LOVE listening to NPR all morning long while I got ready for work, then putting it on in my car while driving around, and likely again in the evening.  That right now is too much.  There is only so much heartache, drama, anger, denial, whatever else that we can stand.  It isn’t good for us to constantly be riding wave after wave after wave of battering emotions we are made to feel by the media.  Try to find a middle ground source or two of news, get what you need for the moment, and be done with it.  I suggest the “hey google, good morning” function.  It tells me the weather, my calendar, and then NPRs 5 things, and a few other headlines, then cuts itself off automatically.  Then I’m done until tomorrow.  Try to stay away from click bait and sensationalism, it’s just going to make you feel worse.

 

 

2. Create specific spaces.  If you are working from home, working out at home, teaching your kids at home, and also trying to relax at home that can’t all be done in the same space.  As you kick your feet up at the end of the day to relax and you see your office work it reminds you of what you need to do.  Your kid’s work makes you stressed if you’re doing the best you can for them.  Those weights over there remind me of the goals I am working toward and did I exercise enough today or am I eating right OH GOD WHY AM I SITTING DOWN I NEED TO DO ALL THE THINGS!  Creating a space for each of those helps you to compartmentalize (literally and figuratively) each of our daily items and when we are done with them we can put them to rest.  If you don’t have a room for all of that (who does) then maybe even just make bins for them so you can put the bin in a place where it is not sitting on your kitchen table as a constant reminder of everything you need to do while you just try to enjoy dinner and your ?th glass of wine.  This is an exercise bin. This is a work bin.  Designate a space, and also a time. Life can be one giant blur when everything happens in the same space.  So designating a time and schedule can help you be more on track, and feel more fulfilled through your day.

 

3. Get a hobby.  Shut up, I hear you now- I DON”T HAVE TIME FOR A HOBBY.  Well, just like with exercise you need to make time.  You need something, something that is just for you, and isn’t necessary.  Take a few minutes each day to yourself and learn to knit.  That’s something you can even do while you’re watching some TV!  Pick up embroidery.  Paint a dolphin.  Learn to speak ancient Hungarian.  Carve a guitar from a tree in your yard.  Just something that is for you.  Maybe it’s even something that you could do as gits to others, but start it as something for just yourself.  Think of how good it feels to give something you made to someone else, and save some of that for yourself.  Make yourself something that you can be proud that you made, and when you display it or wear it it’ll bring along that feeling every time and give you a little dopamine kick.

 

 

4. Be kind to yourself.  Give yourself some grace.  We’ve now been in 17 months of shit, and it’s not really getting any better.  Give yourself mental breaks and mental check ins, give yourself some extra grace, and tell yourself you’re doing the best that you know how.  People aren’t getting smarter anytime soon, and with new cases on the rise, new mandates, new arguments, new people who assume they know better than science… it is… a lot.  Give yourself a kindness that you would afford to others.  My therapist once asked me “What advice would you give to someone else in this situation” and I told him my thoughts and he said “Sounds good, doesn’t it?”  Treat yourself like you would treat your friends, and learn how to become friends with yourself.  We are all going through things differently, and we recently seen the best and worst that humanity has to offer in any other time than war, and it’s scary.  However, we can learn to be our own friend.  Another great piece of advice my first therapist had me do was once a day do something that is just for myself.  If it’s a cup of coffee on my porch, a bath, one time I even decided I was taking $10 and buying candles and that made me stupid happy- do something just for you daily.  Also, constantly ask yourself “How can I make right now just a little bit better?”  Maybe it’s dress up just for the sake of feeling like a real human today even if no one else will see it.  Maybe it’s play some music in the background.  Maybe that something is taking five minutes in another room to just have five minutes of quiet to yourself. Maybe it’s light one of those candles you bought yourself on your “me moment” of the day.  Be kind to yourself too.  You also matter. 

 

So there.  That’s it.  That’s my grand advice for the day.  These are things that I have implemented myself to help me in these times, and I wanted to share this with you.  Above all else, whatever gets you through your day is an accomplishment, and every day that we wake up and also go to sleep is a successful one right now.  If you have any other tips or advice, I’d love for you to share it.  Be well everyone.  It’s rough out there.