May is Mental Health Awareness Month

    I talk a lot of physical health- nutrition, exercise, sleep, body composition, etc and I’ve touched on the areas of wellness before.  Today I want to really touch base on mental health because it is something that I have found myself struggling with over the last couple years, along with many others.  This is more informal than my other blogs as it is a confession, a discussion, and a progression.  Instead of proper essay form I am writing in more freeform, stream of consciousness, and allowing myself the grace to be less structured. I am writing this as an apology to both people that have been affected by my behavior, and an apology to myself for all of the times I've been so hard on myself that I've made it impossible to move or eat.  This is acknowledgement of struggle.  This is hard to write.

    In my life, I have found that I have not always been the person I want to be, but that I was the best person I knew how to be in each moment. This in turn, especially as I grow older, has caused me much shame and regret.  I have acted immaturely and dangerously at times, as only by some sort of saving grace have I made it through.  I am still here to tell my story, and to challenge myself to not be this same person again.  I have sought out therapy and I am proud to say that I am working on myself. I need to not beat myself down so much for my faults, and try to work on the future instead of living in the shame of the person I have, on occasion, become.  We are all fighting a fight- the be a better person, a better parent, a better community, a better friend, a better spouse- and if we are in the process of trying to be a better person that lets us know that we are good people.  It’s like I’ve heard before- bad people aren’t worried about being bad people.  The simple fact that we acknowledge fault and attempt to right our wrongs let us know that we are trying, and sometimes the best we can do is try.  And we will fail at times, but hopefully with lessening frequency until we have a better understanding of ourselves and our faults.  Everyone is coming from something, and is headed somewhere, and we are all on a different journey.

    I want to write this as a relational item: I often hear how productive I am, how I seem so happy, how can others be like me and fight depression, anxiety, etc.  All I can do is share my journey and hope that we can relate.  Sharing the journey includes sharing the positive and negatives along the path.  Whatever turns us into the people we are trying not to be: alcohol, drugs, food, jealousy, anger, fear…whatever- we need to be open and honest; honest first with ourselves and then with others around us so they know our struggle and can help.  No one can help the person who is fighting the silent fight often.  If we are open, then our peers and family can help to shape a welcoming and inspiring environment. We can remove stigma of mental illness, therapy, medication- and really open ourselves and our environment to the help needed. If you need help, let someone know.  Call a hotline- they’re there for 24 hour help, referrals, crisis situations, or to just talk something out and find help.  That’s what I did.  I called a number someone has posted to Facebook, got a referral, did a few months of therapy, and I feel much better.  I have recently signed up for another month of therapy as a refresher and as I have come to some new conclusions that I need to discuss, and some habits I’d like to navigate better. 

    In a world where we are more connected than ever it’s easier to feel disconnected, anxious, stressed, depressed… and there is help somewhere.  Find help in a support system, a professional to really help with your problems, and understand the difference between therapy and therapeutic.  A bath is therapeutic, but will not help you through trauma.  A hike is therapeutic but the mountains will not give you methods of dealing with depression.  If one on one therapy is out you’re your reach, try a group format.  There are hotlines that are able to refer you to services in your area.  May we all find the clarity and strength we are looking for. Mental and physical health go hand in hand.  Be well.