Stop. Look. and LISTEN.

     We live in a society where everything seems to be going wrong.  Those who were put in place to help us hurt us, the system has failed us, and we know it. We are in a time of cultural upheaval and ultimately it is a good thing.  This for some is forcing and for others opening an opportunity for change within as well.  I know in the last four years I have experienced personal revelations and growth and in the last year alone have grown more than I have since high school.  Admitting growth is easy- look at all the good I’ve done.  Admitting that change is needed is the difficult part.  We inherently do not want to admit that we need to change because that admits a fault and fault makes us feel bad.  However, this is a time to admit our faults, to take time to grow as a society, and celebrate and share our growth.

     Faults come in all shapes and sizes- stubbornness, ignorance, false narrative, unrelinquished trauma, etc.  Whatever we are holding on to might be hurting us or others around us more than we realize.  Growing up in the deep south I was raised with some rather unsavory sayings and doings around me. Therefor I thought “I am not a bad person at heart, and these things aren’t bad if they’re in jest.”  This is not the case.  If there is a joke that you wouldn’t tell around certain people, then you likely shouldn’t tell it around anyone.  No one is taking away your fun- we are just saying fun is not found in putting others down.  This creates a narrative, no matter how open we believe we are, that the person at the end of the joke is less than us.   We hold the power by making the joke and laughing at a misconception or strife of another group of people.  Even up until last year I thought “words only have the power you give them”, which I still feel is true.  However, it’s not up to us to judge the amount of hurt that someone should take from a word.  As we have seen in recent politics, rhetoric has power.  This can also include our self-narrative.  So be kinder in your rhetoric and be open to change. 

     As a society we have to move away from defensive rhetoric, especially the “not all…”  catchphrase.  Not all cops are bad.  Not all bosses treat employees poorly.  Not all white people are racist.  Not all not all not all. Ok, we get it.  There are good people, and we really need to look for that.  Like Mr. Rogers said “look for the helpers in any crisis situation because that gives us hope.”  Yet, we can’t simply dismiss the severity of the situation by saying “not all.”  It is our charge to listen to the people who have the negative experience, and change.  We should openly and empathetically engage in conversation of “how can we make this experience better” rather than dismissively throw out “well, that doesn’t happen all the time.”  For some of these things, one instance is more than enough to warrant a major change.  When a boat sinks, you don’t say to the drowning people “Not all of the passengers are drowning- look, there are some clinging to wood and a life raft. This dude can swim.”  You help those that are drowning if you can.  We also need to make our points well researched and thought out with support that is more than an understated meme or gif.  As a society we have to stop having one sentence “news” clips and learn how to openly read and take in different sources and formulate a rounded opinion.  Read more news.  Reading increases empathy.  And we have to stop hearing with the ego, and start listening with reason, empathy, and strategy. 

     Celebrate change as we see it happening.  A personally shameful history of mine and something that I have greatly learned from was the beginning of the Black Lives Matter movement.  Coming from a good place, I made it well known my stance in All Lives Matter.  I wanted to fight for equality and justice for all, and singling out a race seemed away from my goal.  However, I was not listening as a race had already been singled out and needed specific help.  Black Lives Matter didn’t mean that any lives mattered less, it meant that this was a current and present issue that needed the immediate attention due to the severity of the issue.  Being able to learn and grow from the experience of others is crucial and shows empathy.  When we can put an ego or idea aside to listen to the story of those experiencing their own narrative we can learn how to better help them and therefor all.

     This is a cultural upheaval; a likely once-in-a-generation chance for us to admit fault, celebrate learning, and facilitate change.  When we can honestly and openly do so, we will start seeing a difference.  When we take in many ideas and sources and understand how affected parties feel, responses to the events and emotions, and put aside that it might not have happened to us or happen 100% of the time then we will start to see a society that is glued instead of unhinged.  We owe it to our future generations.  It is not our charge to dismiss what someone else is experiencing, but to say “what can we do” and ”how can we meet” in ideas to make this a better experience for all.  As I have often said, it is not up to us to preserve the society that our grandparents were raised in, but to leave a better one for our grandchildren.