What I Don’t Do

What needs to be done is never a one-size approach. If you’ve ever had anything that was “one size fits all”, first I’d like to note that it has been changed to “one size fits most” which is better. However, my second point is that one size fits…none. It’s like throwing a blanket on someone and saying it fits. Well, of course (ish.) It covered an area and that was mostly it’s purpose. That’s why in my profession I will never say “THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO.” Or anything buzzy like “THIS ONE HACK” or “THIS REALLY WORKS” because every body on everybody is different and should be treated as such. We all have different goals, backgrounds, schedules, etc. So people often ask me “What’s your routine for ______” and I always have to respond with a couple different things. The first is- please don’t ask me to do my job for free; I write workouts and plans for a living so asking me to write my routine and give it to you for free is kind of rude, honestly. And two- what I do has nothing to do with what you need. And anyone who says “this is what I do here this will work for you” is likely wrong. That’s why you’ll always see me write in scales- 50-60%, 90-150 minutes, etc. We first throw the blanket over the wants and needs, then we have to tailor it to what fits. Today I want to write not what I do, but what I don’t do because what NOT to do is really the only one size that probably fits most.

First- I don’t work out for hours upon hours a day. “I don’t have time to work out” is sometimes valid- hell, there are plenty of weeks when I’m pressed or even have to squeeze in just whatever I can and that’s fine. I still get SOMETHING done and that’s better than nothing. But unless I’m training for something really specific that takes a long time like a marathon then I absolutely do not exercise for hours on end. Usually about an hour. Maybe thirty minutes in the morning, and thirty in the evening. That sometimes helps to find two times that are shorter rather than an entire hour at once. And as I always say- if you can tell me what’s going on in any television show then you have time to exercise. Period. Exercise while you watch it- I do that a lot. However, don’t ever think that you have to spend 2 or 3 hours at a time in the gym to reach your goals. That’s not it. If someone is doing that, good for them? Maybe? Actually too much exercise has direct negative affects on the nervous system, immune system, and your social life too. It’s not really good for you. The MAXIMUM amount that any member of the general public should really be getting in is MAYBE about an hour and a half a day- and that’s still really too much. Break it down this way- the max recommended cardio for health is 300 minutes a week- so an hour 5 days a week. Then resistance training is recommended at least twice a week, working every major muscle group which can be done in 30-45 minutes if working efficiently. And then there’s the principle of rest- you shouldn’t be working out every day. You have to give your body a moment to process so you can continue to work efficiently. So really, about an hour a day for 5-6 days a week is quite enough, maybe even more than is needed.

Second- I don’t follow any restrictive “diet” plans. In fact, I don’t even use the word “diet.” Because diets are unsustainable and really it’s just blaming all your problems on a few things instead of your habits in general. Sure, cut out your carbs and lose weight…but then what? Never eat them again? That sounds awful. And if you do eat carbs again, then your habits haven’t changed and you’ll gain the weight back in no time flat, probably even more. Think about it- you’re probably already picturing someone that has tried every diet known to man and had no real, long lasting results. Is that what you want to do? Also, remember ALWAYS that skinny doesn’t mean healthy. I’ll do a further blog on this later on, but not all weight was created equal- if you lose muscle mass in conjunction with fat mass, then your body composition is still the same and you’re still at a similar risk level. HEALTHY LOOKS DIFFERENT ON EVERYONE (buy my shirt that says this in my threadless shop…haha) and we need to recognize that. Also, diets create a negative relationship with food. When you’re so worried about what to eat, every single calorie, and blaming your problems on this and that then you create a mental habit of worry and anguish surrounding food. Eat food, have a good time. So instead, I say “proper nutrition.” That means eating a variety of foods, and on average in the proper amounts needed to sustain the body. I eat pizza, burgers, drink beer, love sweets- but all in moderation my readers. Well, mostly in moderation- if you’ve ever been out drinking with me you might have felt a few years lifted from your life the next day. Also, starving yourself is just silly. Food is fuel y’all. You shouldn’t be sitting around hungry just for the sake of a look. And if that’s the case, please PLEASE reach out for therapy. I want you to love yourself more than that.

Third, and last for this blog bc it’s already running longer than my usual- I don’t work out until I puke, almost pass out, or any of that crap. No pain no gain is a stupid brotesque- yep, if y’all can say shit like broga then I can call something brotesque- way of asserting your dominance and toxic masculinity. Yeah, it might be uncomfortable, but pain? NO. Pain is your body’s way of saying “NO! PLEASE HELP ME.” There is not one single bit of anything based in ANY science that says working out until you puke is any sort of good for you. Doing a million reps as fast as you can with the form of a fish out of water is actually directly against all the things science says (here’s looking at you, crossfit) and is only enjoyable if you like to punish yourself or you have something to prove. Is that even enjoyable? Like when you’re on the way to your gym are you like “Fuck yeah broski, can’t wait to puke today!” Yeah, no. Extreme workouts are not even good for you. They likely take no account of muscle mass, have no direct purpose other than being extreme, and often don’t require any sort of certified professional to tell you what to be doing. Think of your body as a car- a nicer car than the first one you thought of give yourself credit- it can be red-lined, it can go over 100 miles per hour but should it all the time? Absolutely not. Exercise should have specific goals, be planned and progressive in intervals, and follow the current science. SCIENCE. Not clickbait, but actually studied, published, and peer reviewed. Grow, not throw yourself into extremes, and stay away from people who tout pain as growth.

So there it is. My …um…reverse blanket? My bizzarro “one size fits all” you’ll never believe this, clickbait, everyone do what I do approach. Inside of this, find what is enjoyable and inspiring, find what works for your body and coincides with science, and if you need help with any of that I know a guy… it me. I’m a guy. And I can help. Be well!